Whose Line Is It Anyway? The RK Version
by Onna and Bluejay
Summary: Kenshin, Sano and Hiko are regular improvers in a comedy show! Episode 4 up, guest starring... NANI?!?!?!?!?! RUN!!!!!!!! Review if you want more!
1. The First Installment!

Disclaimers:   
  
Bluejay: We don't own Whose Line is it Anyway nor its genius concept. Neither do we own Rurouni Kenshin. They belong to the equally genius Nobuhiro Watsuki.  
  
Onna: All hail the great Watsuki-sama!!  
  
Bluejay: *head falls on the keyboard*  
  
Onna: The songs Sobakasu by Judy and Mary, Heart of Sword by T. M. Revolution, Namida wa Shitte Iru by Mayo Suzukaze, and ½ by Kawamoto Makoto do not belong to us. We just made up our own lyrics to their songs for the purpose of this fic. The lyrics are copyrighted to me. It took me more than an hour to come up with them. Steal and I'll send Battousai after you!!!  
  
Bluejay: Argh, just get on with the darn show before I run out of space.  
  
***  
  
"Five minutes till show time!" Bluejay called out. "Everyone ready?"  
  
"I should be the one asking you that." Onna pointed out, ready to step behind the piano.  
  
"You? Ask me? Why?"  
  
"You're the one who's going to introduce all of us."  
  
"So why shouldn't I be ready? All I gotta do is memorize my speech and tell it to the audience. You're the one who'll be playing under pressure."  
  
"Don't forget me." Hyouzan joked, slinging his electric guitar over his shoulder and across his chest.  
  
"Anyway," Bluejay turned to the four people lounging around the backstage. "You guys ready?"  
  
"Ready as ever!" Misao cheerfully replied.  
  
"Good. The seconds are ticking. Better get to your seats."  
  
Everyone moved to the stage, contestants first, Onna and Hyouzan second, and Bluejay last. As the others settled into their respective places, Bluejay went up to the audience, composed of Kamiya Kaoru, Myoujin Yahiko, Takani Megumi, Shinomori Aoshi, and others.  
  
The stage manager held up three fingers, folding them down at every second. As the last counted down, he waved his arm.  
  
Bluejay took a deep breath and began. "Good afternoon everybody! On today's show, the oro-boy, Himura Kenshin! The funky rooster, Sagara Sanosuke! The very verbal, Makimachi Misao! And the 13th master of the Hiten Mitsurugi, Hiko Seijuro! I'm your host, Bluejay Sylver. Come on down and let's have some fun."  
  
She went up to the stage as the audience clapped and cheered. She tapped some cards as she took her seat behind the oak desk. "Good afternoon and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway?, the Rurouni Kenshin version, the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter. Just like any preparations our beloved contestants did." She shot a meaningful glance at Kenshin, Sano, Misao and Hiko. "That's right. Whatever preparations you did before the show, throw them out the window. It's an improv show after all."  
  
The four contestants remained surprisingly calm. Bluejay shrugged and continued. "If you've never seen the show before, I'll be giving the four of them scenes and they'll be making songs or skits with that scene right out of the top of their heads. After each game, I give them points. It's just a gag to hold the show together. And at the end of the show, there'll be a winner. And whoever it is will get to do something special with me-"  
  
There was a collective gasp from the audience.  
  
"Not that way!" Bluejay protested. "'Something special' just meant that I'll be joining one of their games!"  
  
This time, it was the contestants who looked relieved.  
  
"Sheesh, you act like I'm going to strip right out of the blue."  
  
Another collective gasp.  
  
Bluejay slapped her forehead. "I'm not going to do it, you idiots. Anyway, let's go to a game called 'Let's Make a Date.' This is for all four of you."  
  
Kenshin, Sano, Misao and Hiko stood up and moved to the front of the stage where four stools are placed in position, three of which held cards atop the seats.  
  
"This is a dating kind of game," Bluejay continued. "And Misao will be the participant, she'll choose among the other three-"  
  
Misao stared incredulously at Bluejay while the others looked disgusted.  
  
"It's just a gag, frakit. Get moving." They complied. "As I was saying, these three are given strange characters, written on the cards. They've never seen the cards before..."  
  
The three of them read the cards. Kenshin looked startled while Sano looked as if he was about to puke. Hiko was just plain disgusted.  
  
"And after two rounds, Misao will have to guess who they are. So, whenever you're ready, Misao."  
  
"Uh, right. Bachelor number one, I like a guy who's-"  
  
"You're not oneechan." Kenshin interrupted, pushing imaginary sunglasses up his nose.  
  
"Uhh, that's right. I'm not-"  
  
"Then I'm not wasting my time answering your stupid questions." He looked away arrogantly.  
  
Misao hesitated before she turned to Sano. "Anyway, hi bachelor number two."  
  
"Hi." Sano replied sullenly.  
  
"If we were to go on a date, where would you take me?"  
  
"Why would I want to take you on a date? You're just a weasel girl."  
  
"What did you call me?!"  
  
"Weasel girl!"  
  
"Why I ought to-"  
  
A buzzing sound filled the air as Bluejay pressed her buzzer. "No fighting please."  
  
"That's right! You shouldn't fight me!" Sano crossed his arms.  
  
Misao growled under her breath and turned to Hiko who was smiling. "Bachelor number three. What would you…" she trailed off, staring at Hiko.  
  
"What would I what?" Hiko asked, still smiling.  
  
"I-I've never seen you smile before…"  
  
"Smiling helps to ease pain so I smile most of the time."  
  
"I…see…" Misao looked doubtful for a moment but she composed herself. "So, what would you say is your best quality?"  
  
"My smile." Hiko replied, his smile never changing.  
  
"Uhh, right…" Misao returned to Kenshin. "Bachelor number one, I like guys with a little action. So, what do you do for a living?"  
  
"Isn't it obvious?" Kenshin replied, his hand going to an imaginary sword strapped to his back. "I walk around Japan trying to complete my Jinchuu. And I _ will_ complete it!"  
  
"Well, good luck to you then. How about you, _ bachelor number two_?" she added the last with a glare. "What do you do for a living other than insult people?"  
  
"What do I do for a living?" Sano snorted. "What else! I'm Tokyo Samurai!"  
  
"I ought to wipe that grin off your face, brat!"  
  
"Who're you calling a brat, weasel?"  
  
"Why you-" Misao made a grab for her kunais when a long buzz filled the air.  
  
"I said, no fighting, Misao." Bluejay warned.  
  
"Fine!" She huffed and sat back down on the stool. "Bachelor number three. What do you think is a good idea for a first date?"  
  
Hiko smiled that same smile. "A traditional dinner and a look at the night sky afterwards."  
  
"Oh that would be so romantic!"  
  
"Until a night bird drops an egg on your faces!" Sano added.  
  
"You-!" Misao made as if to grab Sano by the neck but Bluejay buzzed them out first.  
  
"That's two rounds, Misao." She told them. "Now try to guess who they are."  
  
Misao sulkily went back to her stool. "Kenshin's easy. He's Enishi."  
  
"Hai de gozaru." Kenshin nodded.  
  
"Sano is Yahiko-CHAN!"  
  
"CHAN JA NE YO!!" came Yahiko's outburst from the audience.  
  
"Quiet! Quiet on the set!" Bluejay repetitively pressed her buzzer. "Now, who's Hiko?"  
  
"Hiko is…Seta Soujiro!"  
  
"That's right!" Bluejay buzzed again as Misao did a triumphant bird-kick while the others returned to their seats. "Oh that was interesting. Kenshin as Enishi." She snickered, eliciting an 'Oro?' from the man. "Anyway, a thousand points to Hiko for smiling so much. You know, you really should smile more."  
  
"Tough." Hiko drank from his glass of water.  
  
"Fine. Let's move on to a game called, Song Styles. This is for Kenshin with the help of Teien Onna on the piano and Hyouzan-sama on the electric guitar!"  
  
The audience cheered as Bluejay stood up from her desk and went into the audience. "Bring up another stool there, Kenshin. I've got my eye on these two ladies…" She stopped beside two long-haired girls and reached her mic to them. "Hi, what's your name?"  
  
"Okon desu." Answered the long-haired girl.  
  
"And you?"  
  
"Watashi wa Omasu desu." The second girl replied, her hair tied back in a bun.  
  
"And what do you do for a living?"  
  
"We're waitresses."  
  
"You're waitresses. At what restaurant?"  
  
"The Shirobeko." Okon replied.  
  
"The Shirobeko. Okay. Come on down and meet Kenshin." Bluejay led the way to the stage, followed by Okon and Omasu. The two girls shook hands with Kenshin as Bluejay returned to her seat, tapping some cards. "Okay, so Kenshin will be singing a song to Okon and Omasu, who work as waitresses in the Shirobeko and…" She trailed off upon seeing the girls give goo-goo-eyed-looks to Hiko before they sat on the stools. "And they seem to have an interest in our 13th Master."  
  
The girls giggled as Hiko arrogantly jerked his chin at them while Kenshin looked as though he wanted to be somewhere else.  
  
Bluejay raised an eyebrow at that. "As I was saying, Kenshin will be singing to these two girls in the style of Judy and Mary's Sobakasu!" She grinned widely. "Whenever you hear the music, oro-boy!"  
  
Kenshin managed to slip in an 'Oro?' in the second before Onna and Hyouzan began playing. Kenshin glanced at the girls, at Hiko, then back to the girls. His face took on a sad expression as he sang.  
  
"In a restaurant called the Shirobeko  
  
Are two waitresses lovely, kind and sweet  
  
They think my shishou's so hot  
  
If only they knew what's up.  
  
  
  
"He's a terror, really scary and all  
  
He taught me everything more than just budo  
  
So for these lovestruck waitresses I warn you  
  
Stay away when he is drinking."  
  
  
  
He knelt beside Omasu and took her hand, his face pleading as he continued to sing.  
  
  
  
"He turns into a pervert, that he does  
  
He'd talk you down and scare you off  
  
Just run for your life  
  
You'll be glad you did.  
  
  
  
"Please let go of this dangerous crush or you'll regret it  
  
You'll make his large ego burst into a rush  
  
He'll become more annoying, that he will for sure  
  
Even worse than Sano when he runs from paying the bill  
  
So run and don't ever look back."  
  
The music faded and Kenshin stood, grinning and shaking Okon's and Omasu's hands.  
  
"Thank you, Okon and Omasu." Bluejay said. "That was great. A thousand points to Kenshin for any bashing Kaoru might give you later."  
  
"Oro?!"  
  
Bluejay laughed. "Let's move on to a game called Props! This is for all of you. Kenshin and Misao, this is your prop." She reached down and tossed two stick-like objects made of grey foam to the former. "Sano and Hiko, this is your prop." She tossed the remaining red, mat-like foam to the latter two. "Now the thing is, they have to come up with as many ideas as they can, going back and forth for a few seconds each. Starting with Kenshin and Misao."  
  
The two of them faced each other, their props ready.  
  
"Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu, Dou Ryu Sen!" Kenshin swung his prop in an arc against the ground, raising a cloud of dust to strike at Misao. "Sumanu, Misao-dono!" he called apologetically as Misao coughed, waving her prop.  
  
Bluejay pressed her buzzer.  
  
Sano wrapped the prop around him as though it were a jacket, his fingertips touching his lips in a lady-like position and said, "Ohohohoho!"  
  
Bluejay snickered and pressed the buzzer.  
  
Kenshin grinned at Misao. "Busu!"  
  
"What did you call me?!" Misao proceeded to whack Kenshin with the prop.  
  
This time, Bluejay had to laugh at that.  
  
Sano had folded the mat to a standing position, as though a tombstone, while Hiko poured imaginary sake onto the 'grave.'  
  
Bluejay buzzed back to Kenshin and Misao.  
  
Misao held her prop at Kenshin and shouted, "Freeze!"  
  
Kenshin threw his hands up, dropping his prop in surprise.  
  
Snickering, Bluejay buzzed to Sano and Hiko.  
  
Hiko sat on the prop, his legs crossed. "Grab some water from the well."  
  
"Shishou!" Sano protested.  
  
"I wasn't expecting guests so grab some water from the well."  
  
Sano turned and pretended to do so.  
  
Bluejay grinned and buzzed.  
  
Misao lay on the ground with her arms crossed behind her head while Kenshin sat cross-legged, their props set against their legs as though they were fishing.  
  
Bluejay buzzed to Sano and Hiko.  
  
Hiko held up the much-folded prop as high as he could as though it were a sign.  
  
"DAMEEEEEEEE!!!" Sano screamed.  
  
Hiko let go of the prop, letting it bounce on the floor.  
  
Bluejay laughed and buzzed to Kenshin and Misao.  
  
Kenshin held up his prop horizontally, facing Misao.  
  
Misao froze in place.  
  
Bluejay buzzed them out.  
  
Sano tossed the foam into the air. "Futae no Kiwame!" He punched the prop, making it explode and send pieces of foam everywhere.  
  
"There's got to be a better way to get rid of trash." Hiko remarked indifferently.  
  
Bluejay slapped the buzzer repeatedly, laughing as the four participants returned to their seats. "Oh that was great. A thousand points to all of you. Now, let's go to a game called Greatest Hits! This is for everyone. Kenshin and Hiko are spokesmen talking about the latest compilation album they're trying to sell while Sano and Misao will be performing snippets of the songs that Kenshin and Hiko will be making up for them." She turned to the audience. "Now what I need from the audience is a suggestion for something you look to find in the yellow pages."  
  
She scribbled down the suggestions hollered by the audience. "Bookseller…Parlor…Plumber. Plumber it is." She turned to face the participants. "So, Greatest Hits, Songs of the Plumber. Go ahead."  
  
"Konnichiwa!" Kenshin greeted cheerfully. "Sessha wa Haikankou Battousai." (translated as Battousai the Plumber)  
  
"And I'm Exasperated Over my Idiotic Student." Hiko added.  
  
"Shishou!"  
  
"This afternoon, we've got a bargain for you. It's not as great as a compilation of songs all about me, though."  
  
"Shishou!"  
  
"We have over a hundred songs on this album, all about plumbers and the job they do."  
  
"Some of these songs have been widely popular in their days. In fact, Sessha remembers that great T. M. Revolution hit, 'Heart of Pipe.'"  
  
Onna and Hyouzan laughingly began the music of 'Heart of Sword' while Sano and Misao strummed imaginary guitars. As the music finished its introduction, the two of them sang together.  
  
"We're the Meiji's   
  
Best Plumbers of them all  
  
We will fix any leakage that your faucets could get  
  
No leak will escape  
  
From our expertise  
  
We will stop that drop before it hits the floor  
  
  
  
Sano sang his lines as the small interlude ended.  
  
  
  
"Water is very precious so you better save it up  
  
It really won't help you much if you let it all drip."  
  
  
  
Sano fell silent as Misao continued.  
  
  
  
"So make sure that you have them checked regularly  
  
So you won't have the problem of a shocking water bill."  
  
  
  
As she tossed her braid wildly, Sano joined her.  
  
  
  
"So who to call  
  
When you need  
  
Someone to fix  
  
That broken pipe  
  
Who else but us  
  
The best ones of them all.  
  
  
  
"We're the Meiji's   
  
Best Plumbers of them all  
  
We will fix any leakage that your faucets could get  
  
No leak will escape  
  
From our expertise  
  
We will stop that drop before it hits the floor!"  
  
  
  
The music ended abruptly, startling Sano and Misao in the middle of their wild guitar strumming.   
  
"Maybe that was too fast as song." Kenshin offered.  
  
"But this album is not composed of modern rock songs." Hiko pointed out.  
  
"Hai de gozaru. It also has slower songs like Mayo Suzukaze's 'Ri-ku wa Shitte Iru.'" (translated as Leaks Know)  
  
Misao sang as the music played the tune of 'Namida wa Shitte Iru.'  
  
  
  
"Are you troubled by a tiny little leak  
  
Dripping from your really rusty pipe?  
  
Do puddles make your children slip  
  
And cause some pain on your back?"  
  
  
  
She fell silent as Sano continued for her.  
  
  
  
"Have no fear because your trusty plumber's here  
  
We will solve these problems really quick  
  
So just relax and watch your kids  
  
While we get into that damned pipe."  
  
  
  
Then it was Misao's turn to sing again.  
  
  
  
"We will work until that pipe looks just brand new  
  
Polished and gleaming in the light."  
  
  
  
Sano's voice came loud and threatening.  
  
  
  
"We'll add a few extras to make your day all right  
  
Just pay us well, or I'll punch your eyes out black and blue."  
  
  
  
And then, they were singing the last stanza together.  
  
  
  
"When it comes to the best that you will ever see  
  
No one can beat us at all  
  
So call us now to fix the pipes around your home  
  
And you won't have to worry again about slipping!"  
  
  
"Sessha is glad he hasn't slipped on any leaks lately." Kenshin remarked.  
  
"If you did, you wouldn't be a student of mine."  
  
"Shishou!"  
  
"Here's another slow song for you song-lovers. Here's Kawamoto Makoto's '1/2 Bill'"  
  
The music started and Sano began.  
  
  
"Plumbers, they say, who needs them at all  
  
Well, let me tell you  
  
We are the ones who make your sinks and bathtubs work as well as  
  
When you just bought them from the store."  
  
  
  
Misao added her own stanza.  
  
  
  
"And if you get clumsy and you break one open, you dolt  
  
Pick up the phone and dial our number so we can get to  
  
Your place and take care of it."  
  
  
  
It was Sano's turn again.  
  
  
  
"Then I'll remove the pipe from the sink  
  
And bash you on the head for  
  
Breaking this damn thing and   
  
Making us all work."  
  
  
  
Misao added another stanza.  
  
  
  
"I'll show you the bill you owe us  
  
Before stuffing it down your throat  
  
And emptying your wallet of bills  
  
Then leave you bleeding in the confines of your room."  
  
  
  
They did a high-five and sang the last stanza together.  
  
  
  
"Don't even think about suing us, you lamebrain  
  
No one would even dare to believe you anyway, anyway, anyway!  
  
We are not criminals or crooks or mafia  
  
You called us for help to fix your stupid sink  
  
So don't even bother  
  
Don't even try to pin the blame on us  
  
Cause we're just plain, ordinary, regular and two plumbers!"  
  
  
  
Bluejay pressed her buzzer, laughing heartily. "Aw man! I'd hate to be the one to call you my plumbers."  
  
"That's the point." Sano said.  
  
"Right, right. Five hundred points…" She waited for any triumphant gestures, which consisted of Misao doing a bird-kick. "…to all the plumbers who call here in the next minute."  
  
"Oro?!"  
  
"That's going to be a lot of plumbers." Misao commented.  
  
"Whoops, the one minute's up. So let's move on to a game called, Number of Words. This is for everybody. Get your papers and pencils or whatever else you write with and jot this down 'cause I won't repeat it. Anyway, the idea of this game is the four of them will act out a scene but they can only speak in sentences with a certain number of words. Now Kenshin, can only speak in one word. Hiko has two words. Sano has three words and Misao, because she's very verbal, can speak in five-word-sentences. Now the scene is, Hiko is training Kenshin while Sano and Misao, his friends, keep interrupting. So whenever you're ready, go ahead."  
  
Hiko sat cross-legged on the floor and called Kenshin. "Baka deshi."  
  
"Hai." Kenshin stepped into the scene.  
  
"My sake."  
  
"Nani?"  
  
Misao entered. "I think he wants sake."  
  
"Oro?!"  
  
"No, he doesn't!" Sano argued.  
  
"He wants to get drunk." Misao retorted.  
  
"As always." Hiko replied.  
  
"Don't kid me!" Sano crouched into a fighting position.  
  
"Shut up and do it!" Misao yelled.  
  
"Sessha…?" Kenshin pleaded.  
  
"DO IT!!" Hiko commanded.  
  
"Never! No way!" Sano retorted, defending Kenshin.  
  
"Just get the stinking sake!" Misao urged.  
  
Bluejay pressed her buzzer repeatedly. "Okay, that's enough. A thousand points to all of you and a thousand and one point to oro-boy."  
  
"Oro?"  
  
"'Cause he never did get that sake. So, before we get a drunk Hiko, I might as well announce the winner." She stood up from her desk and moved to the stage. "And it's our 13th Hiten Mitsurugi Master!"  
  
Hiko began to walk arrogantly to the desk Bluejay abandoned. "Of course I win."  
  
"Yeah, now smile when you take over my desk."  
  
"No."  
  
"Darn. Oh well." Bluejay signalled for the others to join her on the stage, placing Kenshin and Misao on the center with Sano to the far side of Misao as Bluejay moved to Kenshin's far side. "Now what we're going to do is a game called Questions Only! We're going to do a scene wherein we can only speak in questions. And if one of us makes a mistake, Hiko's going to buzz him or her out. Now, what's the scene, Hiko?"  
  
Hiko took one of the cards on the desk and read it out loud. "'You are all at a New Year's party at the Kamiya dojo."  
  
Kenshin faced Misao. "Misao-dono, have you seen Kaoru-dono?"  
  
"Does it look like I have eyes behind my head?"  
  
"Then who's watching over the rice?"  
  
"Isn't Aoshi-sama in the kitchen?"  
  
"Why is my shishou on the invite list?!"  
  
"Don't look at me!"  
  
A buzz filled the air and Misao left, replaced by Sano. "When's the food coming?"  
  
"Where have you been with those clothes?!" Kenshin asked, shocked.  
  
Sano shrugged. "Is there gonna be sake?  
  
"Do I look like the planner of this party?"  
  
"Where's Jou-chan?"  
  
"Where's my laundry?"  
  
"Where's the brat?"  
  
"Yahiko?"  
  
"Who else would I be calling a brat?"  
  
"Ororororororororo?!"  
  
Another buzz filled the air and Bluejay stepped forward to take Kenshin's place. "What's going on here?"  
  
Sano stared at her in shock. "Who the heck are you?"  
  
"Who do you think I am?"  
  
"Are you the punk who planned this party?"  
  
"And if I am?"  
  
"Where's the sake?"  
  
"Where do you think Hiko is hiding now?"  
  
"You mean he's got the sake with him?!"  
  
"You mean you actually didn't know it?"  
  
Sano opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it and left. A buzz filled the air and Misao took Sano's place.  
  
"Have you seen Aoshi-sama?" she asked Bluejay.  
  
"Isn't he in the kitchen?"  
  
"Aren't you one of the cooks?"  
  
"Do I look like one?"  
  
"Do you have to look like one?"  
  
Bluejay started to retort but hesitated. Hiko repeatedly buzzed them out. "Aw man!"  
  
She went back to the desk and signalled for Hiko to take the center stage while the others went back to their seats. "Okay, Hiko will be reading the credits for us as…Seta Soujiro!"  
  
He managed to slip in a disgusted look before the ending credit music started.  
  
"Arigatou to Aiyero Kirahore," he said, smiling. "For giving this idea. Bluejay Sylver, Teien Onna and Hyouzan-sama. They planned this. Himura Kenshin, Sagara Sanosuke, Makimachi Misao, and Hiko Seijuro. They performed greatly.   
  
"And to Nobuhiro Watsuki and the creators of Whose Line is it Anyway. Arigatou."

***

Onna: Will there be a second installment? That is up to you! So click that review button!!!


	2. Second Episode!!!

Disclaimer: See previous chapter. Same disclaimers apply. Add only the fact that we don't own any of the Monkey Island games either. _Natsu no E_ is sung by Miki Fujitani and Mayo Suzukaze.  
  
Bluejay: Due to insistent demand, here's another episode of Whose Line is it Anyway?, the Rurouni Kenshin version.   
  
Onna: I HAVE TO MAKE UP MORE LYRICS?!?!?!?!  
  
Bluejay: Yes, you do. Now make some!  
  
Onna: *looks around for lyric thieves* No one? Good!  
  
***  


The theme music played as Bluejay's voice rang through the speakers. "Good afternoon everybody! Today, quiet you, Himura Kenshin! Why hello there, Kamiya Kaoru! Murray? Sagara Sanosuke! And mighty pirate, Hiko Seijuro! I'm your host, Bluejay Sylver. Let's go down and have some fun!"  
  
She climbed down the audience steps and went straight to her desk. "Hello and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway?, the Rurouni Kenshin version, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Eeyup. The points are just like a 'How to Write Comedy' to my crazed cousin Liv. She doesn't need them! She's already insane!"  
  
Puzzled silence greeted her statement.  
  
"I take it you've never met my cousin." She muttered. "Anyway, if you've never seen the show before, what we're going to do is these four are going to act out scenes, right out of the top of their heads and at the end of the show, we're going to pick a winner. And the winner will do something special. Now, let's start with a game called Weird Newscasters! This is for all four of you. Hiko, you're going to be the anchor of a news program and your co-anchor is Kaoru. Kaoru, you've just discovered that the stage is full of rats."  
  
Her eyes were ping pong balls as she stared disbelievingly at Bluejay.  
  
"It's a pretend show other than an improv show." She told Kaoru. "Now Kenshin, you're doing the sports. You're doing it as an exterminator. And Sano, you're doing the weather as a…" She snickered as she read the card. "You're a talking weather rooster!"  
  
The audience laughed and cheered as Sano stalked up to Bluejay's desk.  
  
"Sorry, it's what it says on the card, see?" Bluejay showed Sano the card. Sano muttered curses under his breath and stalked back to his assigned spot. "Anyway, whenever you hear the music, go ahead."  
  
News theme music played as the four contestants settled in their places.  
  
Hiko looked indifferently at the audience as he began. "Good afternoon, I'm Mostgoodlooking Hitenmitsurugimaster."  
  
Bluejay snorted in laughter while Kenshin really looked like he wanted to be somewhere else.  
  
"Our top story today, Enishi still hasn't completed his jinchuu." Hiko paused, his face still composed. "Let's go on to my co-anchor, Bakadeshi's Woman."  
  
"Konnichiwa!" Kaoru greeted cheerfully. "We've got some…" She froze suddenly, as though she heard something. "Is that a rat?"  
  
"I don't-"  
  
She sprang onto her stool, clutching the hem of her kimono. "Rats! Rats! The whole stage is full of rats!"  
  
"There aren't any-"  
  
"They're everywhere! They're everywhere on the stage!"  
  
Hiko turned back to the audience, a weary expression on his face. "While my co-anchor is hallucinating, it's time for some sports with Overlybaka Deshi."  
  
"Shishou!" Kenshin protested before facing the audience. "Today on sports, Sessha is happy to say that Torumaro has just won the National Sumo Wrestling Title." He bends down, and pretends to spray poison on the imaginary rats. But as he neared Kaoru, he accidentally bumped her stool.   
  
"Kenshin no baka!" Kaoru shrieked, trying to regain her balance.  
  
"Oro?! Kaoru-dono!" Kenshin raised his arms and caught Kaoru as she fell.  
  
Hiko looked disgusted and turned his head away. "Let's go on to the weather with Chicken Joy."  
  
Sano glared at Hiko as he stiffly faced an imaginary board behind him. "Clouds moving in over Kyoto. Very strong wind…" He turned to his right stiffly. "…from the east. Now shifting…" He turned stiffly towards the audience. "…to the south. Back to you, Mostgoodlooking."  
  
"And don't you forget that." Hiko replied, arrogantly jerking his chin upwards. "That's all the news we have today. Join us again at sundown for more."  
  
The ending news music played and Bluejay tapped some cards. "That was great. A thousand points to Sano for being such a sport."  
  
" 'A thousand?'" Sano retorted. "You little punk-!"  
  
"Two thousand." Bluejay corrected. "Fine, take five thousand."

"That's better." He settled in his seat.  
  
"But the points don't matter anyway. Let's move on to a game called Duet! This is for Kenshin and Kaoru-"  
  
The were hoots and whistles from the audience as the two of them moved to the center stage.  
  
"Ah heck you're quite popular out here." Bluejay said, shuffling some cards. "Anyway, Kenshin and Kaoru are going to be singing a song in a style that I'm going to give them. And they're going to be joined by Teien Onna and Hyouzan-sama! Give it up for our talented lovebirds!"  
  
The audience clapped and cheered as Onna scowled at Bluejay, her fists on her waist.  
  
Bluejay continued as if nothing happened. "Now what I need from the audience is a suggestion of a common household appliance."  
  
There were shouts from the audience and Bluejay tried to jot them down. "Computer…Hair dryer…Oven toaster. That sounds interesting. Okay." She looked up at Kenshin and Kaoru. "So, you're going to be singing a song about an oven toaster in the style of 'Natsu no E.' Whenever you hear the music, take it away."  
  
Onna and Hyouzan played the beginnings of Natsu no E's tune as Kenshin sang.  
  
"Ah... a lovely morning, some breakfast will be nice  
Time to cook, make some breakfast, but what's this that I see?"  
  
He was then joined by Kaoru, blending her voice with his.  
  
"Some strange object, whatever that is."  
  
Then it was Kenshin again.  
  
"With knobs and buttons, and oro! It's hot."  
  
Kaoru joined him once more.  
  
"Don't you touch it, may be dangerous  
Better watch to see if it would do anything strange."  
  
They sang the chorus together as the music reached its climax.  
  
"It's an oven toaster, but I've never seen such a weird-looking thing."  
  
Kaoru fell silent as Kenshin sang.  
  
"Sessha wonders what it is for, other than to burn my finger."  
  
Kaoru joined him.

"Such strange inventions that come from the place that we all know as the West."  
  
And Kenshin fell silent.  
  
"I wonder just what it's made for.  
  
"Ah... that crazy thing is just lying there  
I wonder what it does, when you try to place some food in it."  
  
They sang together again.  
  
"Use some seafood, or some bread."  
  
Kaoru added her line.  
  
"Then push some buttons and just turn the knob."  
  
Kenshin joined Kaoru again, his embarrassment at the stupidity of the lyrics obvious.  
  
"It made some weird sounds, gosh it was scary  
Then it rang and some strange food came out of it.  
  
"It's an oven toaster, but I've never seen such a weird-looking thing."  
  
Kaoru rolled her eyes, flushing fiercely.

"But it makes somes real good food, hey this ain't so bad after all."

Kenshin's face looked pained as he sang with her again.

"Such strange inventions that come from the place that we all know as the West."

Kenshin's cheeks started to rival his hair in color, wincing.

"Sessha must say that it tastes quite nicely."

Onna and Hyouzan went into the instrumental, both snickering.

Kenshin and Kaoru brought microphones to their mouths again, hardly looking at each other.

"It's an oven toaster, but I've never seen such a weird-looking thing."

A large sweatdrop appeared on Kenshin's head as he watched Kaoru glare at Yahiko, who was snickering in the audience.

"Sessha wonders what it is for, other than to burn my finger."

Kaoru's voice joined his again, singing the final lines.

"Such strange inventions that come from the place that we all know as the West  
I wonder just what it's made for."

The music faded and the two of them returned to their seats, both red from embarrassment. Bluejay shuffled her cards. "Hey, I wonder too, sometimes. Five hundred points to whoever tells me what an oven toaster is for. And in the meantime, we'll do a game called, Whose Line! This is for Sano and Kenshin."  
  
She held out strips of paper to the two of them. "We asked the audience to give us some random lines before the show and we picked the best ones. Now Sano and Kenshin have never seen those lines before." Sano slipped his lines in his belt while Kenshin hid his in his pocket. "And they're going to act out a scene having to use those two lines. And the scene is," Bluejay read one of her cards and laughed. "The scene is, Aoshi, who will be played by Sano, is attempting to propose to Misao, who will be Kenshin."  
  
"Oro?!"  
  
"He looks like a girl anyway." Hiko called.  
  
"Shishou!"  
  
Bluejay laughed. "Whenever you're ready, Sano and Kenshin, go ahead."  
  
"Aoshi-sama!" Kenshin called happily.  
  
Sano kept his face serious. "Misao. You've grown into a fine young woman."  
  
"Arigatou, Aoshi-sama." Kenshin pretended to be coy.  
  
"Listen, I have…something I want to ask you."  
  
"Nanda?"  
  
"It's something…I've been wanting to ask you for a long time."   
  
"What is it?" Kenshin pretended to look hopeful.  
  
Sano slipped one of his lines out and read it. "'Get me my mint toothpaste.'"  
  
"Nani?!"  
  
"I just had Spicy Japanese Turnips. My breath stinks."   
  
"Hai, hai." Kenshin pretended to get his mint toothpaste. "Here you are."  
  
"Arigatou." Sano turned around and pretended to brush his teeth. When he was finished, he turned back to Kenshin. "Where were we?"  
  
"You were going to ask me something."

"Oh, right. I-"  
  
"Wait." Kenshin interrupted. "Before you ask, there's something I wanted to say to you too."  
  
"Oh? And what's that?"  
  
"It's something that's been going around in my mind for a long time." Kenshin took out one of his lines and read it. "'Your pants are too tight.'"  
  
Sano looked down at his pants. "Is it?"  
  
"Hai."  
  
"They probably shrunk in the laundry. No wonder I'm having a hard time sitting." Sano shrugged. "But enough about me. I still haven't asked you that question."  
  
"What question?"  
  
"This." Sano pulled out his last line and read it. "'Rats, somebody ate my cheese bread.'"  
  
"Hey!" Kenshin scowled at Sano. "What is it with you and food?"  
  
"Sorry. I was just trying to think of a right way to say this." He hesitated before continuing. "Misao, I want you to be my wife."  
  
"Aoshi-sama!" Kenshin gasped. "This is so sudden!"  
  
"Just tell me your answer, whatever it may be. I want to know if you will agree…or not."  
  
"Hai, I will answer you. I've been waiting for you to ask this ever since I grew up." Kenshin pulled out his last line and read it. "'I want my ducky.'"  
  
Bluejay pressed her buzzer, laughing so hard tears were coming out of her eyes. "Oh my gosh, I didn't know Misao had a ducky." 

"Hey!" Misao's voice shouted from the audience. 

"Anyway, a thousand points…no wait. A million points to Sano and Kenshin for whatever they did." 

"Sumanu, Misao-dono." Kenshin said, his face red. "Sessha is very embarrassed de gozaru." 

"We're not done yet, oro-boy. Let's all move on to a game called, Irish Drinking Song! This is for all four of you with the help of Teien Onna and Hyouzan-sama! Now what they're going to do, is sing an Irish drinking song and they're going to do it one line at a time. And what they're going to sing about is," she read one of her cards. "Himura Kenshin!" 

"Oro?!" 

"It's the 'Kenshin' Irish Drinking Song! Take it away!" 

The music started as all four of them began singing together. 

"Ohh, hidee didee didee didee didee didee di!" 

Kaoru began singing, followed by Kenshin, Sano and Hiko. 

"A place was known as the Kamiya dojo." 

"Where students once ran and trained." 

"And moochers come here like bees." 

"While my baka deshi acts as housekeeper." 

"I think he's a sweet, though dense, rurouni." 

"Sessha protects Kaoru if he has to." 

"He can be dense, and slow with women." 

"Don't look at me, I never taught him that." 

It was the chorus again, with the order switching from Kenshin to Kaoru this time. 

"Ohh hidee didee didee didee didee didee di!" 

"I wonder what she thinks as she trains that boy." 

"Especially when a certain fox flirts." 

"Other than that darn "oro" to make her day." 

"I wonder if he even knows I'm alive." 

"I see her walk around, wearing such lovely apparel." 

"Of course, Jou-chan gets pissed at his lack of reaction." 

"That baka won't do anything even if she were naked." 

"I'd rather have him beside me than be my wallpaper." 

Another chorus and the order switched again from Sano to Kenshin. 

"Ohh hidee didee didee didee didee didee di!" 

"It took me hours to pry him off that wall." 

"I can't believe that baka deshi let her hit him." 

"I might as well give up and let that fox have him." 

"Oro, but I only want Kaoru de gozaru." 

"He'd better, 'cause that fox is mine." 

"And baka deshi has an equally baka friend." 

"Makes me wonder how he actually became Battousai." 

"Better keep the other me under wraps or else." 

A final chorus as they switched the order for the last time from Hiko to Sano. 

"Ohh hidee didee didee didee didee didee di!" 

"So I smashed my sake jug on his thick head." 

"That caused an uproar, and a loud 'Oro!'" 

"Sessha stayed in bed, nursed by Kaoru-dono." 

"And I get to have the fox to myself." 

"The mush was choking me, so I left." 

"Kenshin was an angel of a patient." 

"As long as it's Kaoru, I wouldn't mind." 

"So long as Megumi stays away for a mile." 

"Ohh hidee didee didee didee didee didee di! 

Ohh hidee didee didee didee didee didee di...!" 

Bluejay chuckled as they started going back to their seats. "Oh that was interesting. You know, these are people living in a country who probably wouldn't have heard much about Ireland or an Irish drinking song, for that matter." She shrugged her shoulders. "Thank goodness for crash courses on Irish drinking songs." 

She tapped her cards and continued. "Next in line is everyone's favourite game, Hoedown! With Teien Onna and Hyouzan-sama!" 

The audience cheered and hooted. 

"Now what I need from the audience is a suggestion of something that would keep you awake at night." 

Numerous voices shouted from the audience. "Rats!" "Robbers!" "Thunderstorm!" "Missing futons!" 

"Missing futons, I like that!" Bluejay quickly jotted it down. "So, it's the 'Missing Futon' Hoedown! Take it away!" 

Onna started the piano introduction as Hyouzan joined with an accompanying tune. 

Hiko waited for the cue to begin and sang. 

"I was drinking my sake, thinking so deep 

Before turning to my cabin to get ready for sleep 

Only to find to my horror, the worst thing happened 

Someone broke into my cabin and stole my futon!" 

Kaoru let the music play onwards and sang on her turn. 

"That little punk dared to run to Tokyo 

Running the rurouni down as he went "Oro" 

We thought no more, and headed back home 

And found that our futons were as good as gone!" 

Kenshin glanced at Kaoru as he waited for his turn. 

"Everyone knows how violent Kaoru-dono can be 

And two days without sleep will really take her toll on me 

Only one thing to do, out of sheer desperation 

Find that thief and kill him with a battalion." 

Finally, it was Sano's turn to sing. 

"So a manhunt went on, like fire when fanned 

Then we found out the thief was Yahiko-chan 

He was sick of his thin futon that Jou-chan provided 

Certainly explains his busu-ing, boy he'll be dead." 

And they all chorused energetically. "Boy, he'll be deeeaaadd…!" 

"Chan ja ne yo!!!" Yahiko's outraged shout could clearly be heard over the fading music. 

"Boy that was great." Bluejay remarked as she started to stand. "A thousand points to all of you. And now, it's time to announce the winner! Today, it's oro-boy, Kenshin!" 

"Oro?" 

"Yeah. Kenshin gets to sit down behind my beautiful desk and do nothing while Sano, Hiko and I will be doing a 90-Second Alphabet!" 

Kaoru returned to her seat and Kenshin and Bluejay switched places. Bluejay began explaining to the audience. "What we're going to do is we're going to act out a scene with sentences starting with each letter of the alphabet. Kenshin will be timing us, 'cause we have to do this in only ninety seconds. Now, I need a letter from the audience." 

"P!" 

"I heard a P. So we'll start with P. Kenshin, what's our scene?" 

Kenshin read from a card. "You are in a supermarket that's being robbed, de gozaru. Timer starts now." 

Bluejay winced and faced the others. "Press the orange for a bit. I want to know if it's ripe." 

"Quiet, quiet." Sano told her. "I think I hear something." 

"Robbers." Hiko declared. "They're trying to hold up the store." 

"S-S-Sacre bleau!" Bluejay cried. "How many are there?" 

"Ten." Sano snorted. "I can take 'em." 

"Until you realize that they're not all in one group." Hiko pointed out. "Some of them have separated." 

"Vase! Throw a vase as a distraction!" Bluejay suggested. 

"Will that help?" asked Sano. 

"Xylophones would sound better." Hiko shrugged. 

Bluejay pretended to grab a xylophone and hurled it. "Zutalow, I have missed him!" 

"A crack shot I thought you were." 

"Best leave the situation to us then." Sano cracked his knuckles. 

"Can't we just avoid them?" Bluejay asked. 

"Dumb wish." Sano grinned and crouched into a fighting position. 

"Escape is something these robbers will want." Hiko indifferently took position beside Sano. 

"Futae no Kiwame!" Sano shouted and pretended to punch the living lights out of someone. 

"Geez! Watch where you're sending the guy!" Bluejay said, ducking. 

"How can he? He's just as baka as my baka deshi." Hiko remarked. 

"Idiot? I thought he was a rooster." 

"'Jay-chan, you're asking for trouble." Sano retorted. 

"'Kay. I'll just sit here and do nothing then." 

"Lots of good that will do when you've got a gun pointed at you." Hiko said. 

"Me?!" Bluejay quickly jumped to one side. 

"Now, say good night punk." Sano flung an imaginary robber away. 

"Oh how very impressive, Tori-atama." Hiko said dryly. 

"P-P-Perhaps he should've thrown it higher?" Bluejay asked at the same time Kenshin buzzed them out. 

"Yeah! We did it! In the nick of time!" Bluejay pumped her fist in the air and started going back to her desk. "Now, we're going to end the show with Kaoru doing the credits for us. Kaoru, you'll be reading the credits while you're beating up on Yahiko. Goodbye, folks! We'll see you if we see you." 

Kaoru stood at the center of the stage and started commanding. "Yahiko! I want you to do your exercises a thousand times! Bluejay Sylver, Teien Onna, and Hyouzan-sama! Get to work! **Jason M. Lee** and **Tan Kimiko** have already reviewed! **Liv** and **Nikki** have also given their suggestions! Yahiko-chan! I told you to clean the dojo ten times! Thank **Marstanuki** for your trouble! **Nips**, **Pyro Nynja**! You've got your requests coming!" 


	3. Third Episode!!!!!

Disclaimer: Same disclaimers as the previous ones. We're too lazy to type it all up again.

Bluejay: Just add the fact that we don't own _Tactics_ by the Yellow Monkeys, some scenes come from the comedic genius of The Narrator, and that some scenes implied here come from the OAV or the series and we just distorted them for fun. No money made or we'd actually be richer than we really are.

Onna: The Hoedown is based on my fic, "Tanabata Trials." If you've never read it before, you wouldn't understand the Hoedown.

Bluejay: Yeah. It only goes to show just how much Onna loves her fic.

Onna: Wheee! *wide grin*

Bluejay: Ah, quit that. We've got a show to start.

*****

"Good afternoon and welcome to the show!" Bluejay greeted cheerfully. "Today, I say Oro, Himura Kenshin! I say funky, Sagara Sanosuke! I say nothing, Shinomori Aoshi! And I say I'm the best, Hiko Seijuro! I'm your host, come on down and let's have some fun!" She walked down the steps to the stage and sat behind her desk. "Hello and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway, the Rurouni Kenshin version, the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter. Like an eraser to my best friend Onna."

"Nani!"

Bluejay grinned mischievously. "Actually, she does use an eraser in her drawings. Sometimes."

Onna shot her fists to her hips, glaring at Bluejay who held up a peace gesture with her hands.

"Anyway! Our first game is called, Superheroes! This is for all four of you. What they're going to do is they're going to come up, one by one, give each other a superhero name to act out uh…trying to trip each other. Sano will start for us and…" She turned to face the audience. "What I need is a suggestion for an unlikely superhero name."

The audience yelled out suggestions, the voices combining to make an indistinguishable babble.

Bluejay leaned closer to the audience. "What's that? I heard Captain Chicken Head!"

"Oi!" Sano protested.

"Captain Chicken Head! I like that! And what crisis will he be trying to solve?"

"Missing sakabatou!"

"Missing sakabatou!" Bluejay laughed as Kenshin's eyes widened in disbelief. "So Captain Chicken Head, the sakabatou is missing! What are we going to do?"

Sano gave one final glare before he started jerking his head around. "Buck buck buckuck buck buck."

Bluejay's laughter rang through the speakers before she held her mic away.

Sano pretended to open a closet door and gasped. "Buck buckuck! The sakabatou! It's gone! Buckuck! Where is it?" He rummaged through the imaginary closet. "It's missing! The sakabatou's missing! Buck buckuck! Do the others know where it is?"

Kenshin went to stand beside Sano. "Oro? Is something wrong?"

"Buckuck! It's a good thing you're here, Indefatigueable Oro Man!"

"Oro?"

"Have you seen the sakabatou, buck buck?"

"Oro? I haven't seen it, oro."

Hiko strolled casually onto the stage. "What are you stupid bastards doing?"

"Oro, the sakabatou's missing, Ego Master."

Hiko jerked his chin up arrogantly. "One of you bastards must have misplaced it then."

"Oro?"

"Sez you, buck buckuck!"

At that moment, Aoshi decided to step in.

"Oh it's you, Captain Silent." Hiko said disdainfully.

Aoshi glanced at Hiko, Kenshin, Sano, and back to Hiko again. "……"

"Oro, have you seen the sakabatou?" Kenshin asked Aoshi.

"……."

"Oro?"

"Don't mind him," said Sano. "He never says anything buck buckuck."

"And you never stop clucking." Hiko retorted arrogantly.

"Why you-"

"Oro! Let's just look for the sakabatou, okay oro?"

"Why, is there somebody named oro?"

"Oro?"

"As if he knows where the sakabatou is." Hiko snorted.

"Oro?"

Sano turned to Aoshi. "Buckuck, do you know where the sakabatou is?"

Aoshi stared at Sano, not saying a word. Then, he shrugged and left.

"That was helpful." Hiko muttered. "I've got better things to do than look for the sakabatou with idiots." And he left.

Kenshin gave an apologetic look to Sano. "Oro, I think I placed it in the kitchen, oro. I'll go and get it."

As Kenshin left, Sano turned to face the audience. "Buck buckuck. Crisis is finally over, thank Kami-sama. Now to get this chicken head off me!"

Bluejay slapped her desk as she laughed. "Oh man! Oh that was great. A thousand points to Sano, for being such a sport."

"Yeah!" Sano slammed his fist on his chair's arm, a smug expression on his face.

"And as a bonus, you can use the points to pay your bill at the Akabeko."

"Heck yeah!" He punched the air in a triumphant gesture.

Hiko snorted. "It'll keep the bakayarou happy until he finds out the points are worthless."

"Nani?!"

"L-let's just move on to a game called Two Line Vocabulary. This is for Hiko, Kenshin, and Sano." The three of them stood and walked to the center stage. "What they're going to do is they're going to be acting out a scene but Sano and Kenshin can only say one of two lines while Hiko can say anything he wants." Hiko's eyebrow twitched arrogantly. "Sano, your lines are, 'I ought to smack you' and 'Hey, I like that.' And Kenshin, your lines are, 'I think I'm going to be sick' and 'Does that hurt?' And the scene is, you're all at the Akabeko having a celebratory dinner. So whenever you're ready, go ahead."

"I can hardly believe you two would invite me." Hiko muttered as Sano pretended to wolf down the imaginary food on his imaginary plate. "I can hardly believe I'd actually come along."

Kenshin shrugged nonchalantly. "Does it hurt?"

"Hey, I like that." Sano suddenly grabbed something from Kenshin's imaginary plate and ate it.

"You've got some manners, chicken head." Hiko criticized him.

Sano glared. "I ought to smack you!"

"I'd like to see you try."

Sano started to take a swing at Hiko but Kenshin stopped him, saying peaceably, "Does it hurt?"

"Of course it doesn't hurt, baka deshi." Hiko said sarcastically. "He's too chicken in his head to know I called him chicken."

"I ought to smack you!"

"I think I'm going to be sick…" Kenshin said wearily.

"Hey, I like that." Sano shrugged.

"Baka yarou…" Hiko muttered.

"I ought to smack you!" Sano scowled at Hiko.

"Aren't you getting tired of threatening me?"

"I think I'm going to be sick." Kenshin sighed.

"You've always been sick, baka deshi."

"Hey, I like that." Sano grinned mischievously.

"I'm surprised. You actually like it when he's sick?"

There was a long pause before Kenshin innocently broke it. "Does it hurt?"

Bluejay pressed her buzzer for an exceptionally long time. "My goodness. I can't believe you guys can be so insistent."

"They are." Hiko pointed out. "They're very annoying too."

"Shishou!"

"I ought to smack you!"

Bluejay slapped her desk, laughing. "I'll give Sano five hundred points for that!"

"Yeah!"

"Now let's go on to a game called Questions Only. This is for all four of you." She turned to the audience. "I'll need the name of a disaster movie."

"Twister!"

"Twister! Okay! Questions Only on the Twister set! Go ahead."

"What is that?!" Sano cried, pointing to something above him.

"How should I know?" Aoshi shrugged.

"Aren't you from that place?"

"Was I supposed to be there?"

"Don't you know anything?"

"Am I supposed to?"

Sano's mouth worked, not knowing what to say next. At the same time Bluejay pressed the buzzer, he turned and walked away to be replaced by Hiko.

"Who are you?" he asked Aoshi.

"I was going to ask you the same."

Bluejay buzzed him out and Kenshin took his place.

"Are you supposed to be here?" Kenshin asked.

"Are you?" Hiko challenged.

"Didn't I ask you first?"

"Why would you want to know?"

"Why would you keep it a secret?"

"Why would you want to know it?"

Kenshin paused, considering. Then, "Don't you think we should leave this place before the strong winds hit us?"

"If you're worried about that, you-"

The sound of a buzzer interrupted him and Hiko left, to be replaced by Sano.

"Are you still here?"

"Would I be somewhere if I wasn't?" Kenshin asked innocently.

"Don't you see the storm coming?"

"Is that a storm?"

Sano opened his mouth to say something and closed it. Bluejay pressed her buzzer repetitively.

"Okay, that's enough. Five hundred points to everybody for whatever you did." She grinned widely. "And Kenshin gets five hundred and three points for acting so stupid."

"Hai de gozaru."

"De gozaru to you too. Let's move on to a game called Song Styles. This is for Hiko Seijuro with the help of Teien Onna and Hyouzan-sama! Now, he'll be singing a song about a…" She turned to the audience. "Give me a name of a body part."

"Feet!"

"Megumi's doctoring hands!" 

"Sano's hair!"

"OI!"

"Sano's hair! That sounds good," Bluejay grinned. "All right, a song about Sano's hair to the tune of," she read one of her cards. "The Yellow Monkey's _Tactics_! Take it away!"

Hiko assumed a haughty expression as Onna and Hyouzan began the music.

"A chicken-headed wuss lives in Tokyo

His hair is a shock compared to mine

It sticks out on all sides, I wonder what happened

Maybe it has been struck by lightning."

"Such an idiot with such stupid-looking hair

All those silly spikes don't even make him look cool

When he's with me he's like a spoiled rotten brat

Just because his hair is nothing like mine!"

"Oh it's static, that makes his hair stand!

Oh it's static, that makes his hair stand!

His looks are nothing compared to the great

Hiko Seijuro, the 13th Master."

"Oh it's static, that's why he looks weird!

Oh it's static, that's why he looks weird!

He can't have the ladies 'cause they only love

Hiko Seijuro and his better-than-average hair!"

Bluejay laughingly hit the buzzer. "A thousand points for Hiko for making the ladies swoon. Yeah, I think I'll call that song _Static_ from now on." Onna and Hyouzan burst into laughter with the rest of the audience.

Hiko arrogantly jerked his chin up, much to the delight of some squealing Hiko fans.

"Next, we go on to a game called Scenes from a Hat. For everybody. This is our…err…hat," Bluejay held up a pink straw hat in an upside down position. "I suppose we couldn't find a more decent hat due to Onna's budget restraints."

"Nani!" Onna's outburst came out through the speakers.

"Just kidding! Anyway, what's going to happen is, we asked the audience for scenes they'd like to see these guys act out. We picked the best of them, put them in this hat. Now what I'm going to do, is I'll read them out and these guys will come out one by one, making as many funny scenes as they possibly can with the allotted time. Starting with, 'Hiten Mitsurugi moves that never made it.'"

Hiko came out and faced the audience. "Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu. Laughing Mushrooms attack." 

"Shishou!" Kenshin protested as a buzz followed Hiko back to the step. Kenshin walked out and moved into a fighting stance. "Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu! Sake barrage!"

Hiko's eyebrow twitched while Bluejay buzzed Kenshin out. Hiko went to the center stage again. "Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu. Oro Sen."

Bluejay buzzed him out and laughingly picked out another scene. "'Things to say that would irritate Kaoru.'"

Sano stepped out. "Busu!" _ Buzz._

Kenshin stepped out after Sano left. "Oro?" _Buzz_. "Kaoru-dono!" _ Buzz._

Hiko stepped out. "Your cooking's bad." _ Buzz._

Sano went back to the stage. "Oi Kenshin! What's the name of that girl who stripped in front of you?"

"ORO?!!!!"

"KENSHIN NO HENTAI!!!!!!" Kaoru's scream reverberated from the audience.

"Oro! K-Kaoru-dono!!"

A repetitive buzzing filled the air as Bluejay's hand slapped it, her head thrown back in a laugh. "J-Just for the record…Kaoru…there wasn't any stripper." Her gaze went to the red-faced rurouni. "Right, Kenny-guy?"

"H-hai de gozaru."

"Okay. Moving on…" she picked out another scene from the hat. "'SMS messages the Kenshin-gumi would send if they had cell phones.'"

Sano stepped out, pretending to hold an imaginary cell phone. "Help! I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere!" _ Buzz._

Hiko stepped out, doing the same imitation as Sano did. "Kenshin, get me some sake." _ Buzz._ "You can never beat me in Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu." _ Buzz._

Aoshi stepped out quietly and made a 'beep' sound. "…I seem to be running low on battery…" _ Buzz._

Kenshin stepped out, looking at his imaginary cell phone. "'Kaoru-dono: Kenshin! Get back home this instant!'" He looked up to face the audience. "Oro...Sessha can't run away from Kaoru-dono with this cell phone de gozaru." _ Buzz._

Bluejay fished out another scene from the hat. "'Wrong things to say while proposing to her.'"

Aoshi came out. "Rats, someone ate my cheese bread." _ Buzz._

Bluejay laughed, picking out another scene from the hat. "No hard feelings about that one, eh Aoshi?"

Aoshi shook his head, a casual smile on his face.

"Great." Bluejay read the slip of paper. "'Things to do when you're suicidal.'"

Aoshi stepped out. "Kenshin, by this time tomorrow, Kaoru will die by my sword."

"Oro?! Kisama…!" _ Buzz._

"Peace, Kenny-guy," Bluejay said. "He wasn't serious about it."

Hiko stepped out. "Sano, you fight like a wimp."

"Why you-!!" _ Buzz._

"Sano, he didn't mean that either." Bluejay said. "Cool it."

Grumbling, Sano walked to the center stage and threw his arms out to his sides. "I'm the strongest fighter in the world!" _ Buzz._

Kenshin stepped out. "Saitou, your comrades are a bunch of amateur swordsmen who couldn't protect the shogun." _ Buzz._

"Saitou, wherever you are," Bluejay called into the audience. "Kenny-guy didn't mean that seriously."

"Hai de gozaru."

"See? He didn't mean it. Now…" She read another slip of paper. "'Things the Kenshin-gumi would never say.' Except now, that is."

Kenshin stepped out. "Ow." _ Buzz._

Sano stepped out and pretended to smoke a pipe. "Elementary, my dear Kenshin." _ Buzz._

Aoshi came out. "Misao-chan, give Aoshi-sama a hug." _ Buzz._

Sano came out again. "Saitou, old buddy, let me buy you a drink." _B__uzz._

Aoshi came out again. "Does this suit make my butt look big?" _ Buzz._

Kenshin stepped out. "But I don't want to do the laundry…" _ Buzz._

Bluejay read another slip of paper. "'Other image songs for the Kenshin-gumi."

Aoshi stepped out and began to sing. "Silence is golden…" _ Buzz._

Hiko stepped out and sang. "I'm too sexy for my body…" _ Buzz._

"Shishou!!"

Bluejay shook her head in exasperation. "I don't know whether it would be funny or totally horrific when he'd actually dance to that song as well."

"Tough." Hiko snorted.

Bluejay grinned and read out another slip of paper. "'Battle scenes gone horribly wrong.'"

Kenshin stepped out and jumped real high. "Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu! Ryu Tsui-" His head hit the ceiling with a loud bonk and he went crashing down to the floor. "Oro…Sessha forgot all about the roof…" _ Buzz._

"Baka deshi." Hiko muttered.

Aoshi stepped out, pulling Kenshin with him. He went to a fighting stance with his double sword only he pretended that it was a gigantic pair of scissors – and cut off Kenshin's hair.

"Oro?!!" _ Buzz._

"Oh that was great. We're almost at the end of the show. And today's winner is, Shinomori Aoshi!" Bluejay stood up and moved to the center stage as Aoshi took her seat. "Yeah, he gets to sit there while the rest of us will do a…" Her face took on a despairing look. "Aw, do I have to? Why can't it be another game?"

"'Cause it's what they all wanted," Onna called. "Especially JML and catti."

"Aww man…" Bluejay sighed. "Okay. I'll do it for them. The final game for this episode is a Hoedown."

The audience cheered while Bluejay winced. "What we're going to need is a uhh…what would Kenshin and Kaoru reminisce about?"

There was only one answer. "Kenshin's proposal!"

"Orororo!!"

Bluejay laughed, clapping Kenshin on the back. "Well Kenny-guy, guess you'll have to sing about what really happened that day!"

"Burujei-dono!"

"Okay, so it's the Kenshin's proposal Hoedown! Take it away!"

The introductory piano notes of the familiar song played through the speakers, followed by the softer, deeper supporting tones of an electric guitar.

Hiko waited for the right time before he sang.   
  
"This baka deshi of mine, so idiotic and dense.  
Doesn't seem to know when a woman is tense  
Especially that one in the Kamiya dojo  
The so-called kenjutsu komatchi of Tokyo."  
  
Bluejay gave him a puzzled look before she sang the second stanza.  
  
"The problem is, she really likes him  
And trying everything to stay quite thin  
But nothing happens, at least what she wants  
He's just too dense to see, he might not be a man."  
  
Sano's laughter took only a short while as his stanza began.  
  
"So the fox and I had a bet, just to see  
Just so she'd put some shame on poor me!  
Kenshin had soon better propose  
Or else I'll be picking up her rose!"  
  
Kenshin's look of reluctant acceptance never changed as he sang his stanza.  
  
"Sessha promised to propose to Kaoru-dono  
On Tanabata day, so Kaoru-dono would be pleased  
But on the day itself, Sessha had to say oro  
For Tsubame-dono had beaten Sessha to it."  
  
"Had beaten Sessha to iitt...!!" The others repeated as the last notes died away.

"Whew!" Bluejay wiped away imaginary sweat from her forehead. "That's done." She moved to her desk as Aoshi went to the center stage. "Okay, Aoshi will be reading the credits for us. And you'll be reading it as…someone about to fight. Thanks everybody! Have a great day!"

"Bluejay Sylver, Teien Onna, and Hyouzan-sama sent me." Aoshi said as he entered his fighting stance again. "**Tan Kimiko**, ** oro-chan**, ** marstanuki**, and ** Kenta Divina ** wanted it." He unsheathed his double sword. "**JML** and ** catti** gave their blessings. And ** asaka-chan** as well." He shifted his stance, in preparation for a charge. "This is for you, ** The Narrator**." And he charged into the audience who parted before him.

*****  
  
Bluejay: Thanks all, for giving us another chance to come up with a third installment.

Onna: Gomen! Gomen! It's taken us so long!

Bluejay: Anyway, we might be posting another installment in the future but it'll take some time due to schoolwork. Thanks all.


	4. 4th Installment!

Disclaimer: Once again, we don't own anything. Maybe the concepts but that's all. Not to mention a few guest characters (Genjo Sanzo and Son Goku) who belong to Kazuya Minekura, creator of _Saiyuki _and Hibiki Tokai from Vandread, property of Gonzo.

Lyrics of Greatest Hits are credited to Hyouzan. Arigatou!

Bluejay: And so we're back! From the other-space! We just walked in to find you there with that lost look upon your face!

Onna: I should have changed that stupid lock, I should have kept the muse away, if I've known for just one second she'll be back to bother me to write this fic!

Bluejay: What do you mean me?! You're the one who asked about it all of a sudden!  
  
Onna: …walk out the door…!

*THWACK!!*

Onna: ITE!!

Bluejay: Hmph. *returns Sanzo's harisen* And so, on with the fic!

*****

"Hello, hello, hello!" Bluejay waved wildly to the audience. "After a long absence, welcome back to the show!" She turned towards the stage where three people were seated on three of the four seats positioned near the back of the raised dais. "Today, straight from Kyoto, it's Himura Kenshin! From Tokyo, Sagara Sanosuke! From somewhere, Hiko Seijuro! And…" she trailed off, grinning mischievously at the suspense, "from the gates of heck, SHISHIO MAKOTO!!!"

Flames exploded on the fourth seat, forming a dense white cloud of smoke. A seated figure was shadowed amidst the smog, clearing into the much-bandaged man known as Shishio.

"Daggone it!" Bluejay coughed as she walked towards the stage, her hand waving away the smoke. "This is the last time I'll agree to have special effects on an improv show!"

"This is the last time I'll agree to doing something like this." Shishio muttered.

"Right. Whatever. Anyhow!" Bluejay stepped up to her spot and seated herself behind her desk. "As I said, hello and welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway, the Rurouni Kenshin version. It's been a long time since this set's been used eh?" She grinned at the nods coming from both the audience and the improvers. She held up a sheet of paper and pretended to read from it. "Eeyup. This set's exclusively for the use of a certain show where everything's made up (equipment and stage props not included) and the points don't matter (like assurances saying said equipment and/or stage props are in working order)."

Sano's eyes widened and he began to twist around to check if his chair was sturdy.

"Oh well," Bluejay shrugged and offhandedly tossed the sheet of paper behind her. "If something goes wrong I'll just get another studio manager then. Moving on!" She picked up the handful of cards on her desk. "Our first game is called, 'Whose Line' This is for Hiko and Shishio." The two men stood up and began walking towards her. "Now what's going to happen is, we asked the audience for random lines for the show and some of them are in here," she held up two envelopes and handed one each to Hiko and Shishio. "Stuff them in your pockets. They've never seen those lines before and they have to act out a scene and use those lines. Now the scene is," she read from the stack of cards on her desk. "Hiko is hosting his own television show-" she paused as whoops and whistles came from the audience.

Bluejay grinned at Hiko. "Guess you've got a lot of fans out there tonight."

The Hiten Mitsurugi master looked down his nose at her as Shishio snorted in disdain.

"Anyhow," she continued reading. "Hiko is hosting his own show and he's dealing with an uncooperative guest, Shishio."

"Remind me to kill you after the show…" muttered the bandaged man.

"Erm…I'm hiding behind Kenshin then." Bluejay grinned innocently. "So, whenever you're ready, go ahead."

Shishio gave Bluejay one last glare before yelling with a frightful smirk. "Hey, Hiko! Great to see you!"

"Nice to have you on the show, Mummy," Hiko shot back. "So tell me, what is life in Hades like?"

"It's pretty cool. Yumi's with me all the time and I get to order around as many demons as I want."

Hiko pretended to roll his eyes and muttered, "You dimwit. Hades is supposed to be a scary place! This show is meant to discourage kids like my baka deshi from going there, not like it's worked though, but you're supposed to say," Hiko fished out a piece of paper, "'roll in the wasabi'!"

"I'm not going to do a stupid thing as roll in a bunch of horseradish paste," Shishio crossed his arms and glared at him. "I say what I *bleep*ing want to say!"

"Not in this show you don't."

"Well those people who made that rule can go flying out the window. As my good friend Houji always says, 'I like to go to the beach'!"

"The one thing Hades doesn't have."

Shishio just snorted.

Hiko gave him a tight smile. "I must say, you have quite a lot of mail from fans and haters alike. Like this letter here from a young girl who absolutely loathes the way you chewed on the neck of my baka deshi."

"Kiss my bandaged-"

"No swearing in this show either. Now tell me, what will be your response to this letter, which boils down to one line," Hiko smirked as he took out the other piece of paper, "'stop acting like a monkey'?"

"Do not make stoop as low as that idiot boy in the other show…"

"Na, Sanzo," a voice came from the audience. "What are they talking about? What idiot boy? Sanzo? Sanzo?"

"Urusei!" The sound of a hard object connecting to someone's skull resounded in the audience. "Kono bakasaru!"

Hiko winced. "There you have it."

"As I was saying, I refuse to say the lines on the placards, I refuse to even have this show aired, and I will not answer your idiotic questions. I will just say," Shishio pulled out the last piece of paper, "'Hey, look! They're giving away free pizza'!"

"Where?"

Bluejay pressed the buzzer, laughing. "A thousand points to Shishio for the monkey line. Hey, Goku. Better stay quiet in the audience," she said as Onna threw him a pork bun.

"Sankyu!" 

"Let's get into the next game before Onna spoils the saru even further. We're now playing Greatest Hits. This is for Sano, Hiko and Kenshin. Sano and Hiko are presenters of a CD compilation while Kenshin will be singing small samples of songs. Now what I need from the audience is a manly profession."

The audience's voices clashed with each other as each person shouted out their suggestions. Bluejay leaned closer to the audience before chuckling.

"Zoo keeper sounds good!"

"Oro?!"

"Okay. This is Greatest Hits, songs of the zoo keeper. Take it away!" 

"Good evening! My name is Troy McTough!" Sano grinned.

"And I'm Hiko the Devastatingly Handsome. Welcome to another show of us trying to sell you our repetitive and useless CDs."

"And have we a got treat for you," Sano nodded vigorously. "We have compiled over 500 songs of our favorite neighborhood zookeepers in 2 CDs! That is a lot of short songs."

"And of course nothing will beat Stephen Bishop's 'It Might Be You' the Replacement Version."

Kenshin rolled his eyes as Onna and Hyouzan played the opening chords.

"Time, I've been passing time sweeping elephant dung

All of my life

Lying on the hay watching elephants swim

Wishing there would be

Someone who'll replace me

Something's telling me it might be you

Yes, it's telling me it must be you

And I truly feel it must be you

Who'll get this job."

Sano shook his head. "Man, that must be a hard life, being a zookeeper."

"It sure is, and it's not only the elephants. This one's by Vengaboys 'Sha La La La' the Sweeping Remix."

"There's a monkey in the cage that I know is truly naughty

It keeps teasing me all day throwing garbage at me

It consumes a lot of food everyday and throws it everywhere

Until I know it piles up all around me.

"And I go sweeping here and there

Sweeping everywhere I see

O-o-oh

Sweeping here and there

Sweeping all around me

And I go washing here and there

Spraying everything with water

Cause I know everything's so annoying!"

"Well, that certainly sounds annoying," Hiko commented.

"Yeah, well not all of our songs bemoan about their jobs. Sometimes they talk about... well, something else! But then I always appreciate the classics, especially Elvis Presley."

"Really now?" Hiko raised an eyebrow.

Sano nodded. "Here's his hit single 'Cage House Rock'."

Kenshin snorted with laughter and began.

"Three little monkeys hanging on the trees

Five big koalas staring at me

Two kangaroos hopping on the field

One big group of penguins walking straight

Let's rock, everybody let's rock!

Everybody in the whole zoo block

Was dancin' to the cage house rock!"

Bluejay repeatedly pressed the buzzer, signaling the end of the game. "That was wonderful! A thousand points to all of you. We now move on to a game called Improbable Mission. This is for Sano, Hiko and Kenshin. What they're going to do is Hiko will give them a mission that they're supposed to do in the time allotted using whatever means necessary. Now what I need from the audience is a suggestion of a mundane, everyday activity."

She paused as the audience roared out their suggestions. "What? I heard laundry. Doing the laundry sounds good." She jotted it down and turned to the stage. "Okay, this is Improbable Mission 'doing the laundry' take it away."

Sano pretended to enter the room as he held an imaginary tape in his hand.

"Here, they sent us the tape through courier."

"I didn't know we had tapes in this century," remarked Kenshin while Sano "played" the tape.

Hiko imitated a scratchy voice as he spoke into the mic. "Good afternoon, rooster-head, baka deshi."

Sano scowled at the nickname as Hiko continued.

"The minister of Sagashiteru has a meeting to attend tonight. He had just fired his laundrywoman and hasn't found a suitable replacement. Your mission, since you can't do anything else but accept it, is to do his laundry in the fifteen minutes before he gets ready for the meeting, by any means possible.

"If any of you are caught or killed, I will not pour my precious sake on your graves. This tape will be hit by a kamikaze pilot... NOW!"

There was a scream of "Banzai!" followed by the sounds of a zooming plane and explosions.

"All right, Hitokiri Battousai, let's get into it!" Sano pumped his fist in the air.

Kenshin nodded and began "gathering" clothes. "We need soap de gozaru."

"Right," Sano agreed and shifted through the imaginary cabinets. "We don't have any!"

"Nani de gozaru?!"

"What do we do?"

"We can't do laundry without soap!!!"

Sano looked around frantically. "Hey! We can use the oil in your hair!"

"Nanda to?!"

"It softens your hair fibers right? It might work on fabric!"

"Wakatta..." Kenshin pretended to wring the oil from his hair. "Now we need some water."

"Take the cover off the well."

Kenshin proceeded to do just that. "Sano! The well is dried up!"

"WHAT?! Who's the idiot who forgot to replace the water?!"

"Oro... never mind that. We still have a mission to do. Now where do we get water...?"

Sano scratched his head.

"Oro!"

"What?"

"It's going to rain de gozaru!"

"Thank Kami-sama!"

Sano stretched out his hands when he remembered. "We don't have any basins or buckets."

"Orooooo..."

"Let's get that big-mouthed kid from... err... Nirvana or something... what's his name?"

"Hibiki Tokai de gozaru?"

"Yeah! Let's use his mouth as a basin!"

"TEME!" Hibiki cried from the audience.

_BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ!!! _the loud drone of the buzzer cut into the scene amidst the loud applause and cheers of the audience. "Okay, break it up, break it up! No violence on the stage!" Bluejay continued to press the buzzer until Hibiki's ears were red. "Now that that's done, let's move on to Scenes from a Hat!" she took out a cowboy hat. "My thanks to Sha Gojyo for lending me this."

"OI!" Liv cried from the audience.

"Urusai, baka tokage."

"Sssss..." Kotsu, Liv's faithful lizard, hissed.

"Get the Australian loizard away from the set!"

"Do not DISS my lizard!"

"Loizard!" Bluejay shot back before she and her cousin engaged in a verbal fight.

"..." Onna was blushing as she stood up from behind the piano. "Ano... I've just been told that I am to be temporary host for this game while Bluejay, umm..., composes herself..."

Kaoru looked like she was about to faint.

"No, Kaoru, I will not embarrass you or Kenshin today."

Kaoru raised an eyebrow sceptically.

"Anyway, we had the audience write down scenes on small pieces of paper before the show started. We picked the best ones and placed them in that hat," Onna pointed at the other end of the stage. "Ano... should I move over there?"

"I think you'd better," Hyouzan said.

Onna quickly crossed the stage and picked up the hat. "As I was saying, I grab a scene and our improv-ers will act out as many scenes as they could think of. Starting with," she took out a slip of paper, "'Practical-joking swordsmen'."

Hiko stepped into the middle of the stage waving his sword. "Wedgie!"

_BUZZ!_

Kenshin took his place in the middle. "Saitou you insufferable *******! You glued my sakabatou again!" 

_BUZZ!_

(Authors' Notes: Credits to the **Narrator** for this idea! ^^)

Onna took out another slip of paper, chuckling. "'Villains that aren't scary'."

Sano took his turn. "I will take over Japan! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA- oh, my bandages came off..."

_BUZZ! _went the buzzer before Shishio managed to retaliate over that comment. 

"'Things that would make Kaoru worried'." Onna read.

Kenshin stepped out. "Ano... Kaoru-dono, Yahiko's cooking a thank you lunch today de gozaru yo."

_BUZZ!_

Sano took his turn. "Oi, Jou-chan, I got a job."

_BUZZ!_

"'What the Oniwabanshuu members do in their spare time'."

Sano stood in the center and pretended to throw something. "Tansatsu Kobi Kunai! Aoshi-sama! Dinner is ready!"

"TEME, TORI-ATAMA!" 

_BUZZ!_

"'If Megumi ran out of bandages'."

Kenshin stepped out. "Oro... How come minna-san looks like they've been to the thrift store de gozaru?"

_BUZZ!_

Shishio stepped out. "YOU MEAN THE BANDAGED LOOK ISN'T IN ANYMORE?!"

_BUZZ!_

Sano took his place. "How come my shirts keep disappearing from Kistune-onna no kurinikku (clinic)?"

_BUZZ!_

"'Things the cast of RK would watch if they had television'."

Shishio stepped out. "Hey, turn up the tube. _Blazing Mummies_ is on."

_BUZZ!_

"'If Kaoru took cooking lessons'."

Sano snorted before stepping out. "Oi Jou-chan! Your cooking is still bad!"

"Why you-"

_BUZZ!_

Kenshin smiled as he stepped out. "Sessha will still eat that de gozaru."

_BUZZ!_

"Awwww..." all the KxK fans in the audience swooned.

"'Other things Shishio might have done instead of bite Kenshin's neck'."

Shishio stepped out as he motioned Kenshin to join him. Then he pretended to stick Kenshin on his sword before roasting him over an imaginary fire.

"Orororororororooooooo?!"

_BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ!!!_

"And-" Onna was about to pull out another slip of paper when the hat was snatched away from her.

"Eh?"

"That'll do, Onna." Bluejay held the hat beyond Onna's reach. "I'll take over now."

"Hai."

"And so," Bluejay fixed her ponytail as Onna meekly returned to her seat behind the piano. "It's time for our second to the last game! And it's called...Motown Group! Come on up, Hiko, Kenshin, and Shishio!"

She was grinning from ear to ear while the three men moved to the forefront, a noticeable distance between Shishio and the other two. "In this game, they'll be singing a song in the style of a Motown Group, right off the top of their heads. And of course, audience participation is limited to," she swivelled her chair to face the audience. "Suggestions of a manly profession."

"Samurai!" "Sumo Wrestler!" "Kuni Tori!"

"There!" She pointed eagerly at the stranger who shouted the last remark. "Judging by Onna's reaction," a wink at the almost-fallen-over-pianist. "I think that's the best idea. So, it's the Motown Group 'Do the Kuni Tori!' Ta-ake it away!"

The opening chords of the Motown tune started with Hiko and Kenshin mimicking a sword fight while Shishio bristled.

"Hey, listen up, Kyoto, barricade your shoji," Hiko sang.  
"A lunatic mummy is rampaging  
He's been doused with a lot of gas  
And they tried to burn him down to crisp  
Why?  
Why?  
'Cause he's not as handsome as me."  
  
He moved to one side when Kenshin stepped forward and sang.  
  
"As much as I would like to stay in Tokyo  
I have to take my sword, give him a good whack  
Or else he'll come after Kaoru-dono  
Who'll probably beat him until the ends of heck and back."  
  
"Don't let him do the Kuni Tori," added Hiko.

"Do the Kuni Tori."  
  
Shishio was no longer bristling as he took up the song.  
  
"Darling, I don't know why I kill  
Maybe because of all the hatred I feel  
The last time I lived I hit a snag  
A red-haired man put me in a bag  
Now you die!" He threatened Kenshin who leapt back as Hiko continued the song.

"Don't let him do the Kuni Tori  
Do the Kuni Tori."  
  
"First you wait for a mummy," Kenshin did a sword-fight 'dance' with Shishio as he sang.   
"to threaten your town  
Then you hunt his ship down and  
make it sink  
Then you charge his base, beat his men  
And fight him until he burst into flames  
And as Bluejay would say,  
'Mmm... Crispy Shishio'  
Yeah!"  
  
"Do the Kuni Tori!"   
  
Bluejay hit the buzzer long and hard. "My gosh," she said as the three of them went back to their seats, still eyeing each other. "Okay Kenny-guy, I didn't think that one would stick to your head. It's Hyouzan's idea, actually."  
  
Hyouzan waved at her, one hand holding the neck of his electric guitar. Bluejay waved back at him cheerily. "Anyhow, we now move on to-"  
  
Her words were cut off when the entire backdrop of the stage collapsed in a dusty heap behind the four improv-ers.  
  
Eyes wide, she stared at the pile that was the backdrop. "Oh...my...gosh..."  
  
The rest were all staring in shock as well. A second or two passed before Bluejay spoke again. "Wow, I guess that means we'll have to cut this one short. And so," quick as lightning, she was grinning like an idiot again. "Since he's been such a good sport today, the winner is... SHISHIO MAKOTO!!!"  
  
The much-bandaged man grinned smugly while the others blinked.  
  
"And since he's the winner, he gets to do the credits." Bluejay continued in a singsong voice. "Come on, Shishio, one last favour before you go back to he-eck."  
  
He glared at her, promising death in his eyes as he moved to the front again and started reading out from the tele-prompting. "Thanks to the ** Narrator** for the ideas. Special thanks also go to **oro-chan**, ** Diana Moon**, ** Jason M. Lee**, and ** Tan Kimiko**. Bluejay and Onna would also like to say that they'll try to think of getting Soujiro to guest star next."  
  
"But no promises!" Bluejay grinned widely along with Onna, waving farewell to the audience. "And now, WHERE'S MY STAGE MANAGER?!!!"

*****

Onna: *sweatdrops as she watches Bluejay attempt to glomp Sanzo*

Bluejay: Sanzo-sama!

Sanzo: *cocks and aims gun before Bluejay could get any closer*


End file.
